For a lot of people, the holidays are a mix of twinkle lights and tight shoulders.
You might be juggling work, school events, family expectations, grief, money worries, and the pressure to “make it magical.” If you live with depression, anxiety, trauma, or another mental health condition, this time of year can feel especially heavy.
You are not imagining it. Surveys consistently find that most adults feel more stressed during the holiday season, and many people with mental health conditions say the holidays make their symptoms worse
The good news is that small, realistic changes can lower that stress. The ideas below come from practiced therapists who see these patterns every year and know what actually helps.
Why the holidays can feel so intense
Therapists tend to see the same stress ingredients show up in December:
- Less time and more demands: Extra events, travel, school breaks, and visitors.
- Financial pressure: Gifts, food, travel, and higher bills.
- Family tension: Old conflicts, tricky dynamics, or pressure to “all get along.”
- Grief and loneliness: Missing someone, or feeling alone in the middle of a crowd.
- Routine disruption: Sleep, meals, movement, and quiet time all change.
When these pile up, they can lead to “holiday stress and depression” that shows up as:
- Feeling flat, numb, or tearful
- Trouble sleeping or sleeping much more than usual
- Changes in appetite
- Irritability or snapping at people you care about
- Using more alcohol or substances to cope
Feeling some stress is normal. Feeling miserable for weeks on end is a sign your nervous system needs support, not more “pushing through.”
New to sobriety and worried about the holidays? This article is for you.
Here are eight practical ways to lower stress this holiday season
1. Decide what “good enough” looks like this year
Perfection is a fast track to burnout. Instead of asking “How do I make this perfect?” try “What would a good enough holiday look like for us this year?”
You might decide:
- One main gathering instead of three
- Simple meals instead of complicated recipes
- Thoughtful small gifts instead of big spending
- One or two traditions you really love and letting the rest go
Therapists often help people name their actual values for the holidays: connection, rest, spiritual meaning, fun for the kids. Then you can build plans around those, instead of around what social media or extended family expects.
2. Make friends with “no”
Saying no can be a mental health skill, not a failure. You are allowed to say:
- “We are keeping things low key this year.”
- “I cannot host, but I would love to bring a dessert.”
- “We will stop by for an hour.”
Therapists often suggest practicing one simple sentence you can use on repeat, such as:
“Thank you for including us. That will not work for us this year.”
You do not need a long explanation. A short, kind “no” protects your energy so you can say “yes” where it truly matters.
3. Set kinder boundaries with family
The holidays can bring you closer to people who are loving, people who are stressful, and sometimes both at the same time.
Healthy boundaries protect relationships. Some examples:
- Time limits: “We will come from 2 to 4 so the kids can get to bed on time.”
- Conversation limits: “I am not talking about politics today. Let’s change the subject.”
- Alcohol limits: “If the drinking gets heavy, we will head out.”
- Location choices: Meeting in a neutral space (a restaurant, park, or community event) instead of a tense home environment.
If you know certain topics or people leave you shaken, talk with someone you trust ahead of time. Plan how you will step outside, take a break, or leave early if you need to. That is not rude. It is you taking care of your nervous system.
4. Protect your sleep and your body
Holiday schedules can wreck sleep and basic self-care, which are closely tied to mood. Therapists often recommend starting with the basics:
- Keep a loose sleep routine when you can. Aim for a similar bedtime and wake time most nights.
- Eat regularly. Do not skip meals all day and then arrive starving at an evening event.
- Move your body in simple ways: a walk around the block, stretching while a movie plays, dancing while you clean.
- Go outside if it is safe to do so, even for a few minutes of daylight. Light and movement help mood regulation.
Small, repeatable habits usually work better than big resolutions. Think “ten minute walk” instead of “new intense workout.”
5. Use coping skills that actually help
Coping skills do not need to be fancy. Many therapists teach simple tools you can use anywhere:
- Box breathing: Breathe in for a count of 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4. Repeat a few cycles when you feel overwhelmed.
- Grounding with senses: Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can feel, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste. This helps bring your mind back to the present.
- Five minute reset: Step outside, into a hallway, or into your car. Set a timer and do one calming thing: listen to a favorite song, stretch, or sit in quiet.
- Limit scrolling: Notice if social media images of “perfect” holidays make you feel worse. Give yourself permission to step away.
Coping skills are not about pretending that everything is fine. They are about keeping your stress level in a range where you can think, choose, and connect.
6. Take holiday depression seriously
Sometimes “holiday stress” is more than just a busy season. It can tip into depression. Pay attention if you notice:
- Feeling sad or empty most days
- Losing interest in things you usually enjoy
- Big appetite or sleep changes
- Feeling worthless or like a burden
- Thoughts that life is not worth living
People who already live with depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, PTSD, or other conditions are more likely to feel worse during this time of year. You may also be struggling with seasonal depression. Learn more about that here.
If you see these signs in yourself, that is not a personal failure. It is a reason to reach out.
7. If grief or loneliness is part of your season
The holidays can highlight who is missing. You might be grieving a loved one, a relationship, a job, or simply the way life used to be.
Some ideas therapists find helpful:
- Plan one small way to remember someone you miss. Light a candle, make their favorite recipe, or share stories about them.
- Say no to traditions that feel painful this year and try one new, gentler ritual.
- Look for connection in smaller spaces: a support group, a faith community, a volunteer shift, or one trusted friend.
You are allowed to have mixed feelings. You can be grateful and sad, hopeful and tired, all at the same time.
8. Ask for help sooner, not later
You do not have to wait until January to talk with someone. Many people benefit from a short period of extra support during the holiday season.
If the season is overwhelming, connect with your local Community Services Board (CSB) and ask about:
- Brief counseling focused on coping skills
- Group classes on stress, depression, or anxiety
- Support groups related to grief, parenting, or recovery
A therapist or case manager can help you sort out what is stress, what might be depression or another condition, and what kind of support fits you best.
Mental health support in the Greater Tidewater Hampton Roads area
If you live in the Greater Tidewater Hampton Roads area of Virginia, your local CSB can help you access affordable counseling, skills groups, and other supports to get through the holidays and beyond. Go here to find Region Five CSBs.
You are not alone, and help is available 24/7:
- Call the local crisis line at 988 if you are experiencing a mental health or substance use crisis.
- Visit a local Crisis Receiving Center. These centers are open 24 hours a day to provide up to 23 hours of crisis care for active substance abuse or mental health concerns.
Reaching out for help is not something you have to earn by “being bad enough.”
If your stress is high, your mood is low, or the holidays just feel like too much this year, that is reason enough. Your mental health matters, and there are people ready to walk with you through this season.
